How Do I Live Without You
by arlaj
Summary: Beverly is gone. How can Jean-Luc go on without her especially when everything feels very wrong? The lyrics belong to Dianne Warren. Story revised and reworked June - Oct 2014 and July 2018


_You're my world, my heart, my soul_

 _If you ever leave_

 _Baby, you would take away everything good in my life_

 _And tell me now,_

 _How do I live without you_

 _I want to know_

 _How do I breathe without you_

 _If you ever go_

 _How do I ever, ever survive_

 _How do I_

 _How do I_

 _Oh, how do I live_

* * *

Jean-Luc Picard slowly came awake and with consciousness came the sensation of something not quite right. It wasn't something he could put his finger on. It was nothing tangible… it was just a sense of wrongness that permeated his being. He frowned as he opened his eyes and rolled over in bed. A smile quickly replaced the frown when he saw the figure curled up next to him. Picard pushed back the sense of wrongness that was still with him, not giving it any more thought as he concentrated all his senses on the woman next to him. Her russet hair spilled over the pillow behind her and covered her sleeping face, hiding her delicate features from view.

Jean-Luc slid closer and leaned over her, pressing his lips to her bare shoulder. He trailed a path over the exposed skin to the back of her neck. She stirred at his tender ministrations and rolled over onto her back. As she did so, she lifted an arm to brush the hair from her face. "Mmmm good morning " she smiled up at him brown eyes alight with pleasure.

 _Brown eyes…no that was wrong they should be blue. Eyes as blue as the waters of cold mountain lakes of the French Alps._

Picard couldn't contain his shock - this was not the woman he was expecting to see in his bed. This was not the woman he saw in his dreams.

The woman's smile faded. "Jean-Luc, is everything alright?" she questioned. Her voice sounded strange to his ears, although he knew that it shouldn't.

He quickly recovered from his shock and schooled his features "Yes Megan everything is fine. I need to go away for a few days so it's probably best if you went home." he told her and gave her blanketed thigh a gentle pat. After adding a perfunctory kiss to her cheek he slipped from the bed and disappeared into the bathroom.

As the door closed behind him, Jean-Luc leaned back against it and buried his face in his hands. The memories and emotions washed over him as he remembered and that sense of wrongness assailed him once again.

Beverly, his Beverly was dead and had been for the last three and a half years. "Mon Dieu,[1]" Jean-Luc breathed the pain of her loss sheer agony.

That's what was wrong. Beverly Crusher shouldn't be dead. It should have been her in the bed next to him, should have been her sharing his life.

Her death had devastated him and he'd been only a half a man ever since. All along, underneath the pain and the grief was the wrongness of it all. The deep depression that had followed her death had lasted until only a few months ago. He'd tried to rebuild the life he had left to him but how could he live with half his heart and half his soul gone?

As the anniversary of her death drew closer the sense of wrongness had grown stronger with each passing day. At first, he'd passed it off to lingering grief, but maybe, just maybe it was more than that. He could ignore the feeling no longer.

Picard stripped off his night clothes and stepped into the shower.

* * *

When he exited the bathroom some twenty minutes later Picard saw that Megan was gone. He knew that he had been abrupt with her but perhaps that was for the best. Megan was a good, kind woman and deserved better than he could ever give her. He did not love her and knew now that he never would. That part of him had died with Beverly.

As Jean-Luc dressed and prepared for the day a myriad of thoughts ran through his mind. Shortly after Beverly's death he'd resigned his commission from Starfleet and returned to the home they'd bought together in his home village of LaBarre. After several months he'd been approached by an old friend and asked to take a civilian teaching post at Starfleet Academy. He'd agreed.

Jean- Luc stepped from his small house moving up the walk to the road and headed down the street to the transport terminal.

He walked the same route he did every day and stopped as he neared a small tree-lined cemetery. Jean-Luc pushed open the heavy wrought iron gate and walked down the row of headstones stopping at one beneath a large flowering tree. He took a deep breath then dropped his gaze to the inscription chiseled in the cold hard granite and the grief threatened to overwhelm him once again.

 _ **BEVERLY CHERYL HOWARD CRUSHER**_

 _ **October 13, 2324 - August 20, 2373**_

 _ **Beloved Mother, Lover, and Friend.**_

 _ **For thy sweet love remembered**_

 _ **And if I lose thy love, I lose my all**_

Jean-Luc knelt and laid down the red rose that he had instinctively brought with him. Reaching out he rested his hand against the cold, smooth granite. Bowing his head he whispered.

"Bonjour mon cher. Je t'aime.[2] I miss you so."

As he knelt by her graveside memories came unbidden to his mind. Images of his beloved Beverly as she had appeared to him before that fateful mission that had taken her life flooded his mind. He welcomed the onslaught. Beverly had smiled that ever beautiful smile and kissed him goodbye before stepping up onto the transporter platform. She promised him she would be gone only a short time and be back before he ever knew she was gone. As she shimmered from sight she had blown him a kiss.

"Ah Cherie,[3] I've known you were gone and felt your absence every agonizing minute of every day for the last three years." He whispered brokenly and try as he might he could not keep the image of how she'd looked the very last time he'd seen her in this life from his thoughts.

Beverly's body had been brought home by a Starfleet honor guard and since Wesley was not available the task of identifying her had fallen to him.

Jean-Luc remembered vividly walking into the morgue and over to the table. He fought his panic and grief as he looked down at the white-shrouded body that lay there. The Starfleet Doctor pulled back the white sheet to reveal the still form beneath. To this day he could still feel the invisible fist that punched him in the stomach at the sight of her.

"Is this the body of Doctor Beverly Crusher?"

"Yes." he had mumbled, choking back his emotions "That's Beverly Crusher." _Mon Dieu Beverly, my Beverly how can you be gone. How can you be dead?_

Her lovely face was totally devoid of any color with the exception of the pale blue tinge to her lips and the dark purple bruises that marred her ivory skin. None of her warmth and vitality remained. All that had been Beverly Crusher, all that had first attracted him to her; her wit and intelligence were gone. Jean-Luc reached out and rested the back of his hand against her pale cheek. Her exquisite ivory skin was as cold as marble.

"How did she die?" He asked when he finally found his voice.

"Are you sure you want to know? The details aren't pretty." The doctor said quietly.

"Neither is death." He'd responded and schooled himself for what the man would tell him.

After hearing the doctor's explanation and seeing for himself what had been done to her, he'd turned on his heel and headed directly to the nearest head. He'd barely made it to the toilet before promptly losing the contents of his stomach into the bowl.

* * *

Picard shuddered and brought himself back to the present, pushing the unwelcome image from his mind. He rose to his feet "Adieu, Cherie.[4]" he whispered as he moved away.

Leaving the cemetery he continued his journey to the transport terminal and as he walked, Jean-Luc mused about the entirety of events that had destroyed his life and subsequently others as well.

Beverly's last mission was to have been a simple one. Starfleet had asked her to fill in for the Chief Medical Officer of the USS Atlantia, for two weeks. While delivering medical supplies to Sybex 3 Beverly had beamed down to oversee the distribution of those supplies. Sybex 3 was a frontier world on the edge of the Federation and was a world where ships from both in and out of the Federation came to resupply.

At the time that The Atlantia was there, a renegade Klingon warbird had also been in orbit. The crew of the warbird was wanted not only by the Federation but by their own government for crimes against the Klingon Empire.

It was Beverly Crusher's misfortune to be in the wrong place at the wrong time that day. And simply because she had worn a Starfleet uniform she had died. Four members of the warbird's crew were seated in a tavern near the Spaceport and one of them had caught sight of her unmistakable blue Starfleet uniform as she walked along the street towards the hospital. Looking for a fight, they had followed her. Unaware of her danger, Beverly had continued on her way to the hospital and made a wrong turn ending up in a dead end street. Quickly realizing her error she turned to head back the way she had come only to find her way blocked by the Klingon warriors.

Sensing her danger she pleaded with them in their own language but her pleas fell on deaf ears. Beverly Crusher had been quickly subdued before she'd even had time to call to her ship for help and she was no match for the brute strength of four Klingon warriors. She had been tortured and then executed simply because she was a member of the Federation.

The warriors' intention had been to draw the attention of the Federation, whom they despised and start a war with them.

What these warriors hadn't known however was that by the death of this particular Federation member they would start a civil war on their own world.

Upon hearing of the death of his former shipmate by four his countrymen, and the manner of her death, Worf had exacted his revenge. He had hunted down each of them and all four had died at his hands. They had no honor he had replied, for the attack on Beverly Crusher had been unprovoked and therefore was dishonorable.

Worf's actions had had serious repercussions back on Kronos and had been the catalyst for a civil war. There had been many Klingons who had believed as the four warriors had. They believed that the Klingons had grown soft during their alliance with the Federation and that they should return to the old ways, being adversaries and not allies to the Federation.

Picard shook his head. _How many lives had been destroyed by the time it was all over and the dust had settled?_

Hundreds of thousands had died before the civil war had ended- Worf and his son Alexander were among the final dead.

Deanna Troi, who had been engaged to marry Worf, had been shattered by their deaths and had sought refuge on her homeworld of Betazed. She'd not been heard from since. Will, Geordi and even Wesley were all gone now, each one a casualty of the wars.

* * *

Jean- Luc materialized in the main transporter room of Starfleet Academy and stepped down from the platform. The young ensign manning the terminal smiled at him. "Good morning Professor Picard."

"Ensign" he nodded and strode from the room and entered his office minutes later. The yeoman assigned as his secretary and assistant smiled. "Good morning, Sir." She handed him a mug of freshly brewed, non-replicated, Earl Grey.

"Good morning Lyssa." Picard replied, giving her a small smile. "What's my schedule like today?"

"It's fairly light. You have a lecture at eleven hundred and then you have a lunch appointment with Admiral Janeway at thirteen hundred. Your final lecture today is scheduled for fifteen hundred. Friday's exams have all been downloaded to your terminal."

"Thank you." He said then took a grateful sip of his tea as he continued into his office proper and settled down to work.

* * *

Kathryn Janeway looked across the table at her lunch companion. She took a sip of her synthahol and then said. "Jean-Luc you and I have been friends for a very long time. Talk to me, tell me what's wrong?"

"I'm not sure really," Picard replied, taking a sip of his own drink. "The best I can describe it is being a sense of things not being right. I just have this incredible sense of wrongness."

"About what?" Janeway asked curiously, for she too had felt the same thing.

"Everything—me not being in Starfleet anymore; the civil war on Kronos and their departure from the Federation; Beverly's death on Sybex; Worf and Alexander dying on Kronos; Will's execution on Romulus; Chakotay and the Titan being destroyed by the Borg."

Kathryn blanched at the mention of the loss of her former First Officer and Jean-Luc knew she'd had the same feelings for Chakotay as he'd had for Beverly.

"Kathryn. I can't really put it into words but I know with every fiber of my soul that this is not the life I'm supposed to be living. It's not the life you're supposed to be living. I just know it."

"I do too, but you and I both know that you cannot go screwing around with the timeline. Not without serious repercussions."

"But that's just the point Kathryn, I think that the timeline has already been changed."

"All right if that's the case then what do we do?"

"We contact Data. If anyone else would know of a discrepancy in the timeline it would be him. His positronic brain would allow him to remember both potential realities."

"Very well." Janeway agreed. "Contact him and get his thoughts on this. Once you're ready to proceed then let me know and I'll push through all the clearances."

"Thanks, Kathryn."

"Don't thank me, not yet Jean-Luc." Kathryn gave him a smirk. "This could end up with both of us having our asses in a sling…and if this works then having the timeline set to rights will be thanks enough especially if…" her voice trailed off and Picard could read the pain in the blue of her eyes. It was a pain he recognized, the pain he saw in his own eyes every time he looked in the mirror.

Jean-Luc reached across the table and squeezed her hand. "We will fix this." He vowed and she nodded.

* * *

"Lyssa, could you track down and call Mr. Data for me. I believe he's at the Daystrom Institute. I need to speak to him as soon as possible. It's very important." Picard said as he returned to his office sometime later.

"Yes, Sir. I'll take care of it right away." Lyssa replied watching as he strode past her and disappeared behind the closed door of his inner office.

Jean-Luc was just settling down with a cup of tea when her voice came over the intercom.

"I have Data on the line for you, Professor."

"Thank you Lyssa." Picard replied and activated his screen.

"Professor Picard." Data smiled "It is very good to see you."

"It is good to see you too Data." Picard replied, still not quite used to the fact that the android now had emotions. "Data, the reason why I'm calling you is that I have a small dilemma on my hands that I need your help with."

"Of course, Sir. What can I do for you?"

"Well, it's rather complicated…."

"I'm listening."

Jean-Luc nodded and then began to tell Data everything, including the sense of wrongness he felt about Beverly's death and all the events that had transpired afterward.

"Yes," Data nodded "I concur with both you and Admiral Janeway. I too have felt the same sense of wrongness."

"Really?" Picard stated incredulously and when Data nodded he added. "I thought I was just unwilling to accept her being gone… thought it was just the grief talking."

"No, sir it is not. I have felt for some time now that this timeline is somehow wrong. Things should not be happening as they are."

"Then what do we do about this? How do we fix it?" Picard asked hope filling him for the first time in years.

"There appears to be only one option open to us, Professor. We must go back in time and change the events that lead to the death of Beverly Crusher. If as I suspect her death was the focal point and the point where the timeline fractured and split then that is where we must concentrate our efforts. She should not have died that day and if that is so then all that happened after that event should never have occurred."

"How can we be sure?"

"We can never have absolute certainty, there will still be some doubt but I will do my best to gather all the facts so we can make the best decision. I will join you in two days and we can go over the data together."

"Thank you Data. I'll see you in two days then."

"Very good Sir, goodbye." Data signed off.

* * *

True to his word Data arrived at Picard's office, two days later. After greeting each other, Jean-Luc led him over to the chairs that sat in front of the large picture window. Once they were seated, Data turned to him.

"I am as certain as I can be that if we were to go back and prevent the death of Doctor Crusher that the timeline would then repair itself. Her death was indeed the focal point of all the catastrophic events that followed."

"So, then we should go ahead and try and correct things," Jean-Luc asked hesitantly.

"I believe so, yes. I should also tell you, Professor, that even if we go back and rescue Doctor Crusher from the Klingon attack, that does not mean she will not die at some other time in the correct timeline."

"I understand." Picard nodded.

"Alright then, I suggest we book passage to the Guardian of Forever. That would seem to be the easiest and most logical way to go back."

"Very well I'll contact Kathryn and have her get us clearance and then have my Yeoman book passage to the Guardian Planet."

* * *

Several days later Picard and Data stood before The Guardian of Forever.

The ever-present wind howled around them. As Data approached it, the Guardian came to life. The hollow center of the arch filled with a misty vapor and gave off a low pitched hum. Jean-Luc paced anxiously as Data queried the arch. The android turned away from the arch as the history of Sybex 3 began its run.

Upon seeing that his former captain was preparing to follow him Data put a stop to it. "Sir, it would be best if I proceeded alone."

"But why Data? I wish to accompany you."

"That would not be wise sir. I alone stand less of a chance of further polluting the timeline. Your presence could drastically increase the odds of something going wrong."

"You're right, of course, Data." Picard agreed albeit reluctantly.

"I shall return shortly." Data said and then he stepped forward to face the arch.

The images ran past at a pace that Jean-Luc could not comprehend but fortunately, Data could. Suddenly the android stepped forward, leaping through the arch and disappeared from sight. The Guardian quieted and the mist dissipated.

Jean-Luc turned his back on the arch and was preparing to resume his anxious pacing when mere seconds later the Guardian came once more to life and Data leaped through.

"Data?" Picard questioned.

"It is done." Data said as he approached.

"But you left only seconds ago."

Before Data could reply the Guardian intoned in a deep, rumbling voice. _"All is as it was."_

"It seems Professor, that the course of action we took was the correct one."

"Then Beverly's alive?" Picard asked hopefully.

"That I cannot say, as I told you Beverly Crusher may have met death in some other calamity if that was her fate. All I can say is that she did not perish three years ago on Sybex 3."

"It will have to be enough," Jean-Luc replied softly. "Thank you Data."

"You are welcome. And it would seem that in this timeline Admiral that you never left Starfleet. Nor in fact did I." the android said, indicating the Starfleet uniforms they both now wore.

"What else can we expect?" Picard asked more to himself but Data answered him anyway.

"Again, I do not know but in theory, the memories from the old timeline should fade and be replaced by new memories. Ones to coincide with this new timeline."

* * *

As they left the Guardian planet behind Jean-Luc found that true to Data's speculation, the memories of his old life, the life he'd lived for the last three years were slowly fading away and were being replaced with new memories.

These memories, Picard prayed were true of his life in this new and right timeline. Jean-Luc knew that he could check the Federation records to confirm if the memories were correct but he found he didn't have the strength to do so. He knew that if she were gone… if _they_ were gone, he truly would not be able to go on.

It was hope that fueled him the rest of the way back. Hope that drew him into the shop at the Spaceport to purchase some gifts and it was hope which led him down the street to his house.

Jean-Luc stopped outside the gate leading to the cemetery. He looked down the tree-lined path but couldn't bring himself to walk down to where her grave had been, still could be, and confirm his fears.

Steeling himself for what was to come, Jean-Luc walked the rest of the way home. Hope built a little more when he saw the little house. He stopped at the front gate and studied it. The home looked the same as it had when he'd left and the same as it had when he and Beverly had moved in together four years earlier. Flowers lined the cobblestone walkway and filled the window boxes hanging off the windows and upper balcony. The front windows were open and the curtains fluttered in the warm summer breeze.

Hope increased still more when Picard heard a voice close beside him.

"Admiral Picard?"

Jean-Luc turned and saw the tiny, portly woman who approached him from the neighboring house.

"Bonjour Madam Lapointe." He gave his neighbor a warm smile.

"Good day Admiral. Is Doctor Picard at home today?"

"Ah, I'm not certain." He replied, pushing down his joy at her question. "I just arrived home from Starfleet Headquarters."

"Well, it's not urgent. Please tell her then that I will stop by tomorrow."

"I will." He replied and watched as she moved away.

He took a deep breath, steeling his resolve once again and pushed open the gate. He walked up to the door and paused before putting out a tentative hand and opening it. Taking a deep breath and feeling like he was about to plunge headlong over a cliff he closed his eyes and stepped inside. The door closed behind him and slowly Jean-Luc opened his eyes, looking around.

The relief he felt almost brought him to his knees. This was definitely not the same house that he had left. That house had been dull and lifeless. This place was a home, full of warmth and color, full of life.

He took a moment to drink in the sight. Pictures were scattered across the fireplace mantle and on top the baby grand piano which sat nestled in the alcove just beside the door. Setting down his case, Jean-Luc crossed over to the fireplace and picked up the picture that sat dead center of the mantle. It was a wedding photo and in it, Beverly was resplendent in an off the shoulder gown of Ecru silk and lace. Her russet hair was adorned with tea roses the same shade as her gown and her head was tilted back so she could share an adoring look with the man who stood behind her. It was himself. He was wearing his Starfleet dress uniform and was smiling down at her. His arms were around her waist, his hands resting on the subtle roundness of her abdomen. As he set the picture back on the mantle he saw for the first time, the plain gold band that adorned the third finger of his left hand. A tiny smile formed on his lips as he reached for another photo.

A delighted squeal rang through the house and had him turning towards the hallway. Running toward him was a small three-year-old child.

"Papa, Papa!" the little girl called gleefully as she ran. She was dressed in a rumpled, well played in green romper and her russet hair was pulled up into two pigtails each tied with green ribbons.

She threw herself at his legs and Jean-Luc picked her up hugging her tightly.

"Vous êtes à la maison Papa.[5]" the girl said as she wrapped her arms around his neck, and tucked her head into the curve of his neck and shoulder.

"Oui mon precieux fille."[6] Jean-Luc whispered, trying to rein in the flood of emotions that he felt

There was no mistaking whose child this was, Jean-Luc thought as he leaned back to look at her face. She had her mother's russet hair and delicate features and her father's green eyes. He tightened his arms around her as tears threatened to fall.

"Too tight Papa." She complained and wiggled to try and free herself.

"Je suis désolé mon ange."[7] He chuckled and kissed the top of her russet head. "où est votre maman Jeanelle?[8]" he questioned and set the little girl on her feet.

"She was talking to Auntie Dee..." she replied and ran back down the hall "Maman! Papa's home, Papa's home!" she called.

Jean-Luc followed her, watching as she disappeared around the corner and into the kitchen. Then suddenly he stopped, unable to move as Beverly appeared around the corner. She stood before him very much alive and looking more beautiful than ever. She wore a flowered print sundress that left her ivory shoulders bare, her unbound hair flowed radiantly about her shoulders. Her hands rested on either side of her very pregnant stomach. "Beverly," he whispered softly.

"Hello Jean-Luc." she smiled and moved towards him. "How did things go at Headquarters?"

"Fine" he muttered as he watched her cross over to him

When she stood in front of him Jean-Luc gathered her into his arms, pulling her close against him and closed his eyes.

"You're home early," she whispered in his ear. She felt his nod before he pulled back.

"I finished early, and I missed my girls." His eyes caught and held hers then traveled the rest of her exquisitely chiseled features. He reached up to caress her cheek.

Beverly frowned slightly, sensing something inside her husband that she couldn't quite put her finger on. It was an unease and insecurity that was unlike him and was almost as though he feared she might vanish from his sight if he looked away. "Jean-Luc is something wrong?" she questioned softly.

"No mon amour[9] everything's fine now, absolutely fine." He replied with a tender smile.

With his fingers entwined in the silk of her hair, he drew her lips to his and kissed her very thoroughly. He heard her soft moan as he deepened the kiss, his tongue slipping past her parted lips to entwine with her own.

Suddenly, a tug on his pant leg brought him back to the fact that they were not alone in the room. He broke the kiss reluctantly and looked down at his daughter.

"Oui Jeanelle?" he smiled.

"Did you bring me something Papa?" she asked, her green eyes eager.

Jean-Luc chuckled and reached down to pull the girl into his arms. "Well I don't know if I did or not." he teased. "Why don't we take a look in Papa's case and see what's in there."

* * *

"She finally fell asleep," Beverly said quietly as she stepped into the bedroom and closed the door behind her. "She just adores that bear you brought her. She wouldn't go to sleep without it." She added as she crossed the room to the dresser.

Jean-Luc watched her intently, his eyes following her every movement as she got ready for bed. She pulled off the sundress she wore then unhooked the delicate strapless bra, leaving her clothed in only a pair of teal silk panties. Beverly tenderly rubbed her gravid belly as she reached into the drawer and pulled out sleepwear.

"Kathryn called earlier today. She and Chakotay will be in orbit for a few days as of tomorrow and would like to have us aboard Voyager for dinner. She hinted they have some important news to share." Beverly smiled. "and I also talked with Deanna today," she told him as she pulled on a pale green tank top. "She and Will would like us to come for Jeremy's birthday next week. The Titan will be in orbit around Betazed then. Apparently, Lwaxanna has a huge celebration planned. Nothing is too small or too extravagant for her grandson." Beverly chuckled as she stepped into a pair of soft cotton sleep pants.

She turned around to face her husband when he did not reply. His aversion to Deanna's mother was legendary and she had expected some reaction from him. Beverly frowned. He'd been entirely too quiet since returning home. "Jean-Luc?" she questioned as she crossed the room to his side. "Baby, what's the matter?" she asked as she sat down beside him.

Picard closed his eyes for a moment and the memories flowed over him; the moment he found out he was going to be a father; their wedding day; Jeanelle's birth and her first lusty cry; the feel of that solid tiny body in his arms as he held his child for the very first time; her first steps and the first time she'd called him Papa; finding out he was going to be a father for the second time.

Opening his eyes he looked at his wife and the look in them was something that she couldn't quite put a name to. "Do you know how very much I love you?" he whispered, taking both her hands in his and kissing them.

"Of course I do. I've always known. Jean-Luc please you're scaring me."

He kissed her hands once again and took a deep breath. "It may be hard for you to believe but the life I was living only yesterday was vastly different."

"I don't understand."

"I was living here in this house but it was not a home. I was no longer with Starfleet and was, in fact, a civilian instructor at the Academy and everyone we knew, with the exception of Data and Kathryn, was gone."

She gave him a curious frown.

"Three years ago in my reality, there was both a Klingon Civil War and a war with the Federation. By the time it was over the death toll was staggering. Worf and Alexander were gone; Will was executed on Romulus; Chakotay was the captain of the Titan, not Will, and they were destroyed by the Borg; Deanna disappeared and perhaps is dead;… " he paused a moment before continuing knowing this next would affect her most of all. "Wesley and Geordi were killed at the Battle of the Line, over Kronos when the fleet was decimated." He heard her soft gasp of pain as he continued. "Jeremy William Riker, Caitriona Brianna Janeway, and Jeanelle Felisa Picard were never born… And you…Mon Dieu you…"

Jean-Luc's grip on her hands tightened and Beverly could see the tears in the forest green depths of his eyes. "Your death was the catalyst for it all."

Beverly gasped. "But how…why?"

"You remember that mission you accepted aboard the Atlantia. You delivered supplies to Sybex 3?"

"Yes, I remember that."

Jean-Luc swallowed the lump in his throat and continued. "Shortly after you beamed down you were confronted by four Klingon warriors who then tortured and executed you. Upon hearing of your death at the hands of his countrymen Worf hunted down the warbird and killed all the crew. That act of revenge started the civil war and the war with the Federation."

"Oh, my God." She gasped clearly shocked.

"When…" Jean-Luc stammered "When the Starfleet Doctor showed me what had happened to you."

Beverly was almost afraid to ask. "What?"

Tears ran freely down his cheeks now. "Witnesses to the assault said that you pleaded with them to spare your life because you were pregnant but… oh, Mon Dieu those Klingon animals cut you open and ripped our child from your body.. this they did… the doctor told me … while you were still alive and pleading for your life."

He was openly sobbing now, his voice husky and full of pain. "Then one of them put his boot on your throat and crushed the breath out of you while another stabbed his blade into your chest. Then they laughed and walked away. They left you there shattered and broken. Mon Dieu .. I lost you both that day and it destroyed me and I was never whole again. I died that day."

"Oh my God, Jean-Luc ." She whispered brokenly and drew him into her arms holding him tight. She pressed her lips to the warm skin behind his ear. She held him until his tears were spent, murmuring soft words of comfort.

"I don't remember…. That's not what happened for me." She spoke softly, trying to reconcile what he was telling her with her own memories of that day.

"No, because for you that reality never happened because…" his voice trailed off and then he added. "It never happened because Data went through the Guardian of Forever to prevent your death."

"I never thought to question why Data was suddenly on Sybex that day and insisted on staying with me until I'd beamed back up to the ship." She murmured and then the reality of all that he was telling her clicked into place. "Oh, Jean-Luc, please tell me you didn't change the timeline just for me."

"For you.." he whispered and cupped her cheek, fingers stroking her warm vibrant skin. "Always for you…and for Jeanelle.. and for Jeremy...and for Caity... We took that course of action for all those millions of dead who shouldn't have died, who wouldn't have died. Data, Kathryn and I were as certain as we could be that the timeline we were living in was not the correct or right one. And so we did the only thing we could. Data went back and prevented your death and when he came back through the Guardian our actions were proven correct when the Guardian told us that all had been restored. This is the correct and right timeline."

Jean-Luc's eyes tracked over every line and curve of his wife's delicately chiseled features and then met her sapphire gaze. "Even if going back in time would have resulted in the destruction of the entire universe I would still have done what I did. I would have done anything…even wade through the fires of hell itself if it meant having you alive and whole again. Je t'aime." He whispered softly. "Je t'aime de tout mon couer." He reached out and traced her delicate features with a tentative hand.

"And I love you." Beverly echoed then she took his hands pulling them from her face. "I'm not going anywhere, Jean-Luc." She told him again and drew their linked hands down to the curve of her abdomen. "We're not going anywhere."

Beneath the hands that she had pressed to her stomach, Jean-Luc could feel the restless movements of their child, their son. Picard lifted his eyes and forest green met sapphire. He pulled her tightly to him, relishing in the feel of her pressed close to him.

Soon, words and memories were forgotten as they loved each other.

Picard sighed as he drifted off into a contented sleep. His wife was curled up beside him, held close in the circle of his arms. As the haze of sleep clouded his mind Picard smiled and thought

~At last. I am complete.~

Never again did he want to be that shell of a man and Picard sent up a prayer of thanks to whatever Gods were listening that his life had been given back to him.

~FIN~ :)

[1] My God

[2] Hello my darling. I love you

[3] Beloved

[4] Goodbye beloved

[5] You are home

[6] Yes, my precious girl

[7] I am sorry my angel

[8] Where is your mother

[9] My love


End file.
